How strong is your Tinder game?

So a few weeks ago, my friend Siobhan tried convincing me that it’ll be a fabulous idea to spend my last £10 on going to the pub with everyone. Because I’m a complete prat, I was very easily convinced.

I obviously bought my standard bottle of wine, and after placing (and barely winning) a bet against Beckie (she bet that the bottle would be finished within the hour. It was finished after an hour and 10 mins) I was pretty merry. It was at this point, when everyone else had arrived, I’d been talking to some of the greatest people you will ever meet, and so was just ridiculously happy and cheery, and a little bit drunk, that Siobhan and Claire started talking about the weird guys they’d been talking to on Tinder. I’d only heard a few things about this app – I just thought it was a dating app for the teenagers of today.

I was very much mistaken.

Tinder, for those who don’t know, had the potential to become a really good dating app, and that’s exactly what it is in theory. It takes a look at your location, and just pulls up all the profiles of guys who are in your “local” area (you can set the distance it scans within in the settings). You only see a maximum of 6 photos, plus a short bio, and if they sign in with Facebook, you can see which pages you have both liked. Based on this limited info, you make your choice to swipe left for no, and right for yes. If both the guy and girl swipe right (as in YES I WILL DATE YOU) then the app connects the two of you so you can start messaging – you can only message those who have matched with you.
Obviously, this is insanely popular within uni students/those of that general age range, so it’s just basically become a “hook-up app”, for those who take it seriously. If you’ve been matched with someone, it’s just almost a given that you’re both down for a casual shag. Again, I reiterate – FOR THOSE WHO TAKE IT SERIOUSLY.
Claire, Siobhan and Conor laughed at their Tinder stories, with Siobhan convincing everyone at the table that it’s just a joke (with the odd “I’d never meet them, what if they’re like a murderer or something!?” thrown in by Claire).

It was at this point that I’d finished my bottle of wine (and started on the second, courtesy of Becky), was sitting next to Claire and Siobhan, opposite Becky and Ricky, with my phone in Siobhan’s hands as she downloaded the app for me. She even wrote my bio for me: “I am Seetal and I am fabulous.” The number of guys I’ve had ask me “so how fabulous are you? ;)” as a first message is actually ridiculous. I thank you for that, Siobhan!

The whole thing really is a massive laugh, mainly because it gives you the opportunity to rate a guys appearance wherever you are. No more people-watching in Starbucks while you pretend to read a book, or sitting with your best friend over coffee while pretending to have a sophisticated and intellectual conversation, when really you’re both rating the barista’s out of ten. And the best part is, you can do it at home and in bed, looking like a zombie, while stuffing your face with hobnobs dunked in tea. What more could you ask for, right? (Don’t lie to yourself, you rate people based on appearance. I know it, you know it, the world and his wife knows it. Even if it’s not all the time, and just a fleeting moment, you still do it, and at the end of the day, it’s nothing serious!)

I have friends of both sexes on the app (I’ve actually been matched with my best friends… Cheers to that, Tas and David!) and it’s just become increasingly clear to me that guys take a casual hook-up waaaaay more seriously than girls do. I’ve had seemingly innocent conversations with guys about Disney, that then quickly turned into “how about I be Aladdin and you be the magic carpet? Because then I can ride you all night…” Yes, that actually happened. I laughed for about 15 minutes at the sheer stupidity and randomness, before responding with a remark about how I have scales all over my body, much like a dragon. Needless to say, I got blocked soon after that. A lot of my female friends use the app just to get a laugh out of how ridiculous a chat-up line can be, and then respond with a smart-arse retort just to see how quickly they can get blocked. I’ve also had a friend block a guy because he proposed to her within the first five messages. Yes, that also actually happened.

And as for the boys… It seems a lot more serious. I’ve had the occasional “I GOT A MATCH! YES!” remark from some, as well as some sending me screen shots of profiles, asking for my opinion on the girl, and what direction they should swipe. Tas once called me up just to rant about ignorant one of his Tinder matches was. I just laughed at his whole issue. I mean, come on, what else was I supposed to do?
My younger brother heard me laughing about it, got intrigued, and also made an account. He deleted it after a day, bless him, I think he got a little freaked out at the prospect of possibly having to start a conversation with a random person he’d never met before, and knew nothing about. He’s very shy, he’d much rather stay home in his jambes watching Netflix and drinking tea, and making his big sister (ME) laugh (if he sounds ideal for you, then he’s 18 and very single!)

Amongst all of this Tinder dating app crap malarky, I’ve heard one success story. And all that was, was a distant friend of mine (a really good friends ex boyfriend, that is) met a girl on Tinder, and dated her a couple of times. That, right there, is the most successful Tinder story I have been told, since I heard about this app. I think it’s definitely safe to say that no matter how strong your Tinder game is, and how many matches you have, you really shouldn’t use it as the basis for your future relationships. Almost nothing good can come of it, unless you really do want to hook-up with a Disney-obsessed, 24-year old, Aladdin wannabe from Essex.

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