Reading festival is my festival. It was the first festival I attended, for the day, in 2010. It was the first festival I camped at for the weekend in 2012. And since then, I’ve gone every year. I’ve done the camping thing, I’ve done the day thing, I’ve done the toilets, the food and the “where the ever loving HELL is my tent?!”

I love Reading. The acts are always incredible, I’ve made so many memories there, and the happiest moments of my entire life have been spent there. But I will not go back next year.

Reading, your campers have broken my spirit.

This year, I felt old. Like, really old. I’m only 20, and the group I camped with are all aged between 19 – 23. We’re not old, at all. We are at that festival-going age. However, there has, for some reason, been an increase in the amount of shitty kids that attend and camp at festivals. Almost everyone around us were younger than us, which wasn’t such a bad thing. Until they all turn into that leery kids that just start shouting at everyone for no reason, trying to pick a fight, setting tents on fire and throwing aerosols into fire.

Smart kids, I know.

Pair that with the fact that I lost count of how many “SO WHAT DID YOU GET IN YOUR GCSE’S?!” I overheard, it begs the question – what the HELL are they teaching kids in schools these days??
These kids try and act all big, tough and untouchable, but they were out of it and leery at around 1pm. I just can’t handle the light-weight-ness. If you’re gonna spend a day drinking, at least make sure you can handle one can of Fosters Radler.

What really, truly annoyed me about these groups of kids – more than the rudeness and the fact that they cannot handle half a beer is the fact that they barely left the campsite to go to the main arena to see the bands.

That is a pet peeve of mine. I literally cannot stand it when people go to festivals and they don’t listen to the bands playing. I hate it more than when someone wears a band t-shirt to a band they don’t listen to. WHAT, oh WHAT is the point?! You have just essentially spent £250 to go and camp in a field. YOU CAN DO THAT FOR LESS MONEY AT ANY TIME OF THE YEAR. WHY WOULD YOU GO TO A MUSIC FESTIVAL FOR IT?
Last year this girl I used to know asked me if I was going to Reading that year. She got really excited when I responded with yes, so I asked her what bands she was looking forward to seeing. She said “I don’t know who’s playing, I’m just going with my friends.”
I cannot even fathom that level of stupidity.

The number of absolute idiots that were present this year was actually alarming. And not just little 16 year old kids. I’m talking fully grown adults. Fully grown, middle-aged men that were doing the most ridiculous things. I won’t tell the story here, but I will say these points: crowd split, urinating, fellatio.
And that’s why you don’t want to hear the story. Just know that Jamilla and I almost cried, and we are all now scarred for life. It was just awful.

The actual experience of camping at a festival is glorious. There is so much fun to be had, and so many amazing memories to be made, and it is SO much fun. But let’s cut the crap, call a spade a spade, and just say it how it is – you live like a peasant for a weekend. You sleep in a tent, in a field, in the cold, sometimes rain. You look at the prices of food and literally question why it costs so much to eat. You buy and consume the cheapest food and drink. Showering is a pain, as you have to get up early and pray that there aren’t many people in the communal showers. And that the water is hot. And that the shower actually works. And that you can find your shampoo, conditioner and body wash. The toilets are just… there are no words. Literally, the only upside that peasants have is that they have their own toilet/latrine/shit hole. Festival campers don’t even have that. WE DON’T EVEN HAVE TOILETS THAT FLUSH. OR TOILET PAPER WITH THE TOILET. Lowest of the low.

And we pay money to live like that for a weekend.

You just need to pray that the music will more than make up for it…

Reading, it’s been a good run, but unless you stick the most amazing headliners and acts on next year (or check everyone’s IQ and sanity before they can purchase a ticket) I will not be attending.