I’ve been “blessed” with having naturally ridiculously curly hair. It’s not even the nice curly – it’s that annoying “curly frizz now with extra frizz” kind of curly, which if you have it you know is a bitch to maintain.
When I leave it natural, my hair kind of takes the weird shape of a rounded triangle. It just gets wider and wider as it gets frizzier and frizzier towards the ends of my hair. I resort to straightening my hair to within an inch of it’s life (and then cry about split ends) just to make sure it’s easier to handle, look after, and make me look acceptable when out in public.
So many people will hear that my hair is curly and respond with “oh my god you’re so lucky, I’d love to have curly hair!”
No, no, no. You do not know the gamble, the risk, the heartache that comes with having naturally curly hair. It is a royal pain in the arse!
Normally when people say their hair is “natural today” they mean it’s got no products in it, hasn’t been straightened or curled, and probably has like a spritz of hairspray to keep it a bit in place. If I go out with my hair looking “natural” it usually means that I’ve washed it a few times till it curls the RIGHT way (yes, there are different ways curly hair can curl) and even then I need just enough hair serum to calm it a bit, but not too much that it looks greasy. I need to use a can of regular hold hairspray on it while it’s wet so the curls set the right way without frizzing, and then hairspray it again with a stronger hold, so the curls don’t frizz out as soon as I step outside my room. I am probably accountable for about 8.5% of the holes in the ozone layer.
So when I tell you that yes this is my natural hair, I do not want to hear you tell me about how lucky you think I am to have such “volumised hair”.
It’s volumised because there’s so much f***ing frizz in it!
People want to touch curly hair. They’re obsessed. They’ll be talking to me, the subject of hair gets mentioned and somehow that’s permission to pet my head and run their fingers through my curls. Get your fingers away from my hair you are ADDING TO THE FRIZZ WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING WHY DO YOU HATE ME THIS MUCH?!
Before I left for school, my mother used to ask me if I’d brushed my hair. That in itself is a ridiculous thing to ask someone who has curly hair.
You do not brush curly hair unless you want a cloud sprouting from your head.
You do not brush curly hair unless you want to be able to catch things with it while walking outside – like flies, bees, spiders, birds, cars, cats, dogs, and the odd small child. If someone has curly hair, don’t ever ask them if they’ve brushed it. Or if they want you to brush it. The answer will be a no, while said curly-haired person mentally slaps you for asking such a thing.
Layers. The most helpful enemy in the entire world. Having layers in your hair will take away a lot of the frizz. However, the consequence to this is you now have layered curls. Where will it end up this time? Will it curl on top of my head, or to the side? Will it curl a lot and be really short, or will it decide to let gravity do it’s thing and be a loose curl? For me, my layers are set because I always straighten my hair, so it looks normal. Even when I’m being lazy, I have to straighten some of my hair, so I’ll do the fringe, and then have to tame some of the curly layers and straighten that a bit too – the end result is me having hair that isn’t much different to Russell Brand.
Washing and drying hair is a normal thing everyone must do. Unless you have curly hair. In which case it’s a bigger gamble than playing Russian Roulette. Will it frizz? Will it curl? Will I have tight curls or loose curls? Will it be fine to go out in public on one wash, or will I have to wash it a dry it a few times before I can leave my bedroom? You never know how the curls will dry, and even after all these years, you still are unsure how the hell it’s possible to not know how your hair dries…
Last year while camping at Reading, I arrived with hair I had spent 40 minutes straightening before I left. I spent the first night with all my friends and straight hair. A lot of them had never seen my normal hair.
The rain and humidity in the tent made my hair curl up overnight. I crawled out my tent the next morning, unsure why my friends were staring at me…
The worst is having to watch video tutorials of girls giving you the lowdown on getting “beach curls” in your hair. Wash it, braid it, dry it, then let your hair run free with beautiful soft curls… Piss off. Because my hair is 80% frizz, when I actually do want curly hair to go OUT out (as in, wedding or party or posh night out kind of out) then the only way I can achieve this look is to first of all STRAIGHTEN my hair, and then recurl it. Terrifyingly long, and seemingly completely pointless. BUT UNLESS YOU HAVE CURLY HAIR YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE LOGIC BEHIND SUCH A THING!
I genuinely get so annoyed with my hair. It is absolutely ridiculous, and I get teased relentlessly about it by my family. My brothers seem to think it’s hilarious that I have curly hair, even though it’s been almost 21 years of it… My mother doesn’t understand why I straighten it almost every day, and then why I don’t brush it when it’s normal, even though it’s been almost 21 years of curly hair… My father seems to think that telling me it’s good I have a lot of volume is comforting. It’s not. At all. It’s a nice way of just telling me my hair is as frizzy as it gets.
I’m just embracing the frizzy Russell Brand look more and more now, and using my hair as a testament to my own laziness. I cannot even be bothered to straighten my whole head…