Now till Wednesday is known as Sloth Week, which basically means that if you have regular internet access and you love sloths, you should head over to SlothWeek.Com to read daily updates and facts, AND watch videos of these adorable animals!
Everyone loves sloths! I’m not sure how or why but suddenly the sloth-obsessed corner of the internet has reached fame over the past year or so. People either want to be a sloth or they want to have a pet sloth. I’ll hold my hands up and admit to the latter (and a little bit of the former) – sloths are freaking adorable! How amazing would it be to have like a giant fuzzy pet monkey who smiles 24/7 and sleeps all day!? SO AMAZING, THAT’S HOW AMAZING! And the reason why is so incredibly simple: Sloths are awesome!
Sloths are the slowest mammal. In the world. Which is ridiculous because according to Mama Rihal, I hold that title! The average sloth moves at an alarming rate of 0.15 miles per hour. Yes, alarming, right!? A sloth moves so slowly, and spends so much of it’s time holding still that it starts to GROW stuff!
Algae is often found growing on a sloth, in their fur, which experts say helps with their camouflage. To be honest, that is the most acceptable and positive way of looking at the fact that something moves so slowly, it can allow for an entirely different organism to grow on it. I wish I moved so slowly that algae was able to grow on me – think of how chill life would be! It’s been said that it takes about a month for a sloth’s FOUR stomachs to digest a meal. I’m not entirely sure how accurate that is, but WOW these guys are slow as hell!
They seem to live the life I wish to live – they do nothing but sleep, eat and jam in trees, they move reeeeally slowly, and they’re hella cute. They only leave their tree-homes to poop, which is actually really dangerous for them, as it makes them more vulnerable to predators. They literally put their life on the line to take a shit. Luckily for them, they have really sharp, long claws. Which are actually their fingers. That’s so freaking metal – “My fingers are actually claws that can rip you to shreds!” Dude. I wish I was a sloth.
Sloths spend most of their life up in trees. They live there, jam there, eat there, are born there, and erm… mate there. When it’s coming to mating season, the female sloths let out a giant scream to attract males and let them know she’s DTF. Attractive, right? Males fight off their competition by hanging from branches by their feet and pawing at each other (please God let me witness a Sloth fight one day!) till one of them wins the prize of tapping dat booty.
I think the main reason I find sloths so cute is because of their face. Look at a picture of a sloth, and if it doesn’t make your heart melt then you probably didn’t have one to begin with. Looking perpetually high, relaxed and totally chilled out with their constant grins, I think a pet sloth is waaaay overdue. I need a sloth. A little pet sloth. It’ll be my best friend and we can jam and barely move, together. And if anyone tries to start something, I’ll make him attack with his sharp claws. Although as he moves slower than me, I doubt there’ll be much attacking going on. He’ll probably just look at me with that smile, as if to say “bitch, please.”
Maybe I need a pet goat for attacking…