Last night I managed to muster up the little energy I had left over from the weekend, and painted my nails.

Now, I’m not the most nail conscious person out there. I bit them till I was about 13, and they’re still prone to breaking and splitting because of that, which is annoying as hell. I also get nervous really quickly and suffer from a disgusting compulsive disorder which is basically “skin picking” – so I pick my nails and cuticles. A lot. It’s awful, I know, but it’s only till it looks nasty that I realise I’ve even done it. Sigh.
Luckily, I’m mostly a “short nails, dark paint” kinda gal which nicely fits in with my “bohemian homeless sloth” look, so I don’t mind too much, most of the time.
The bad thing is that when I am in the mood to do something cool with my nails (because let’s face it, nails are pretty awesome to dress up) then I’m basically screwed. I don’t have the time or money to go out and get them done by a professional, which actually is a lie – I do have the money for it but I’d rather buy gig tickets and pizza, so you see my problem, right? Anyway I do them myself when I DO want to do something! I have a giant box full of nail polishes just for the days when I feel bothered to do ANYTHING with them. Some of them are glittery and it’s so cute (but a total bitch to take off!)
So, getting back to it, last night I painted my nails black, but with tiny glitter flecks in them – it’s a nice edgy look to that standard black. I had the motivation, so I used a base coat and top coat, and watched a film while they dried. It was a good way to spend my evening, I won’t lie.
The sad thing is that it’s not even 24 hours later and the little shits have chipped! (The little shits here being the nails) and it’s just made me think – why the hell do I even bother?
I feel that this is an accurate representation of some of the things in my life, where I will work hard for something and while it’s going on I’m thinking “yeah, this is good, this will work, I’m getting my life in place” but then BAM! Quicker than I can even sing Do You Wanna Build A Snowman? it all turns to shit and I’m left feeling demotivated with nothing pushing me to even try it again.
Yes, I’m a pessimistic. Can you tell?
I didn’t even think about this metaphor till I looked at my nails when I got into work this morning, and felt like a balloon that had its helium sucked out.
All because of my nails.
Thank you, shitty nails. What do I gotta do to make you guys grow right?! You’ve made me see my life through new eyes! I don’t like this!