ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK IS BACK! Thank the heavens, praise the lord etc etc etc.

I was working on the Friday it became available online, and then had babysitting duties in the evening (straight after work) so I didn’t even have a chance to start watching it till Saturday. I know it’s only one day, but when you’ve been waiting for an ENTIRE YEAR to find out what happened after Piper beat the everloving shit out of Pennsatucky, one day can feel like a lifetime.

My choice to spend the whole of last week rewatching Season 1 was definitely the wisest decision I’ve made all year. My love and attachment for all the characters has just grown stronger, and I’ve been able to just slip straight into Season 2 without any sleepless nights spent thinking about what might happen next.

I’m up to episode 5 now, and honestly I’m already so very invested in this season! I love how it follows almost straight on from the previous season, with only the month that Piper spent in SHU missing – which is fine, because there’s hardly anything you can show about a month in solitary. I actually really enjoyed the first episode in Chicago and I love cockroach story they stuck in there, because even though Piper’s whole prison world has been thrown upside down, she still needs to focus on avoiding getting beaten by new bunk-mates by following ridiculous orders.

I think it goes without saying that I’ve never hated Alex more, because of how the trial turned out. She is a backstabber – at the moment, I cannot get my head around the fact that she forced Piper to lie under oath for their benefit but then went ahead and told the truth in her own trial. I’m sorry but her whole “it all happened so fast” excuse is total bullshit and I’m not buying it. I genuinely cannot wait to find out why she did it (pleeeeease let me find out why she did in a few episodes!)

Heading back to Litchfield for episode 2 made me so happy, I almost squealed! The excitement at seeing all the old inmates was real. I actually LOVE the new characters in this season! Brook (like Piper, I can’t take her surname seriously right now) is ridiculously annoying. Seriously. She’s far too sweet to be in prison, but she’s just sickly sweet – if I knew someone like that, I’m pretty sure my ‘being as nice as possible to people all the time’ personality would be shot to shit within the first five minutes. I would tell her to just shut the fuck up. Really. My god she’s too nice and talks too much. I started off feeling a bit sorry for her, but now she’s just annoying and she needs to strap on a pair, sharpish.

Vee is very quickly becoming a favourite character of mine. I have mad respect for her but I’m also incredibly frightened of her, and she kind of pisses me off too. At first I was thinking she might be like another Red, but she’s so much sinister. I love how she treats Suzanne, telling her that she’s a garden rose and is worth more than how she’s treated. This, partnered with the flashbacks showing her childhood really made her whole character stand out so much more than season 1. It’s just this being nice to Suzanne that makes her seem sinister – why would she go for a random inmate, who’s clearly a bit insane? What’s her motive?
When we’re first introduced to Vee and see Red’s reaction to her, I thought that they’d had an awful past together, and that shit was going to kick off massively. So when they met and hugged, I screamed a little bit. I was so relieved that the two bad-ass women were on good terms (also because Red’s one of my favourite characters and I don’t want anyone hating on her). I need something to kick off, with the two of them being like some super-awesome force that controls everything!

The Spanish girls are ridiculously annoying, already. I’m only five episodes in and I basically need them to end up being right at the bottom of the Litchfield food chain, now. They run the kitchen, but that doesn’t give them the right to be total shits! At least Red was fair with it, and if she was going to punish someone, she would punish them personally and NOT the entire group/race of women, like Mendoza. Also the whole shower thing – give me a fucking break. Don’t go pushing out the ladies from the ‘ghetto’ showers, you petty little shits. Honestly, I’m so freaking ecstatic that Vee played Mendoza and I cannot WAIT to see how Mendoza gets fucked over!
Bennett’s also really pissing me off this season (mainly because of the way he just body slammed Watson to the floor), I mean I totally get that he wants to look after Daya, because she’s pregnant with his baby but for the love of god could you make it anY MORE OBVIOUS?! It didn’t annoy me during the first season, because he was always concerned about keeping his job and not being accused of raping Daya, but this season he just seems so much more relaxed about it all. Excuse you, John, but how about you stop making it so straight up in-your-face obvious to everyone that Daya is carrying your baby? Also you’ve collectively spent probably a few days (if that) alone with her, so how the ever-loving shit are you going around telling her you’re in love with her? I just- I’m just done with this couple. Shame, really, I kind of shipped them last season…

Piper seems to be harder and more bad-ass this season, with more of a ‘not taking any shit’ attitude. YES, YES AND YES AGAIN! Thank you, writers, this is what we need! It’s bringing much more of a darker feel to the series, which I love! It may be sick and twisted but I kind of want something to happen between Larry and Polly just so I can see Piper’s reaction!
I’m really enjoying learning more about Healy and his home life with his mail-order bride, and it’s just making me dislike him even more. I almost felt sorry for him whenever his wife is a total cow to him, but honestly he so deserves it! Giving Pennsatucky new teeth just to cover your ass? Get the hell out of here, Healy, just keep that bitch in SHU!

My favourite episode so far has to be episode 4 – ‘A Whole Other Hole’. The character developments of everyone comes in so strong! We learn a little more about Vee and her plans for taking over the prison (asking Poussey to sell her homemade hooch), and Red starts planning her next move to start bringing contraband in. In the form of a greenhouse. I was confused. Lorna’s past comes in as a giant shock, as she always seemed so sweet and optimistic! She’s actually so optimistic she’s psychotic. And, of course, Poussey finally put the whole ‘do women pee out of the vagina?’ question to rest – no. Women do not pee out of the vagina. There is “the main coochie hole and then another little hole just for pee.” It needed to be done, I’ve had to do the whole “wait what you think women pee out the vagina?!” thing before, so THANK YOU OITNB for finally clearing that up for the world.

OITNB is definitely a show to watch now, and I very highly recommend it to basically EVERYONE! There’s prisoners, scandals, crime, lesbians, gays, transsexuals, dark humour, and generally fucked up issues in every episode – what on EARTH is there not to love?! Get everyone to watch it! Get your mum, your dad, your sisters, brothers, aunties, uncles, best friends and pet fishes to watch it! The acting is brilliant, the storyline beyond exceptional, and as soon as you think you have a characters plot sorted in your head, they go and twist it way out of shape. It’s no wonder that the show won 8 awards this year, to be honest.