Do you understand the pain of not being able to laugh without wanting to cry, because it’s so painful? I do. I’m living it now, and it is actually like living in hell.
A few days ago I caught a chill in my chest, and it just did not go away, or even get slightly better over the next three days. In fact it just got worse, but I just took painkillers and got on with it (because that’s what women do), till I decided to go see the doctor yesterday. As it turns out, I’ve got a chest infection, and painkillers don’t cure infections. He told me it was still pretty mild, so I only need one week of antibiotics (thank god) but as soon as I took the first tablet last night, my entire mood and health just plummeted.
I felt sick after just a few bites of my dinner, and then my left shoulder started feeling dead, and I started feeling a stabbing pain in my stomach. This only got worse through the night. I only managed to get about 3 hours sleep through the night, and I felt absolutely poopy by the time the sun rose. It hurts to breathe, and there is no comfortable way to sit! Even worse, when I laugh the pain is so bad that it makes me cry, and have to crawl out of the room in pain, just to calm down.
All those years of hearing that “laughter is the best medicine” literally does not apply to me. Laughter is just making it even worse, and today was literally the wrong day to see my cousin Raman, who may be the funniest person I know. It’s also not helpful that everyone I’ve spoken to today happened to be in an incredibly good mood, and just keep cracking jokes. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve cried just because I’ve been in too much pain to even laugh. I’ve also lost count of how many times I’ve had images of punching someone in the face purely because they made me laugh…
All I want in life is for the antibiotics to just kick right in, and start making me feel better. I know it only gets worse before it gets better, but honestly I was not prepared that my worse would be having to live a life without laughter. MY LIFE IS ACTUALLY HELL RIGHT NOW!
Okay, yes, that’s a wild exaggeration, but people are so funny, and I like laughing, even though I may regularly express my hatred for a lot of things! It’s just really not fair. Also, we’re having a party on Saturday and all my favourite cousins are going to be here and I wanted to drink, laugh, and generally be merry with them. That probably won’t happen if I can’t even walk up the stairs without needed ten minutes of recovery… OH, WHY MUST LIFE BE SO DIFFICULT, I JUST WANT TO BE HEALTHY FOR LONGER THAN TWO WEEKS!!