How About No.

Last night, I read something ridiculously honest and inspirational. It was one of those Buzzfeed articles, explaining how everyone should lead their lives. Basically.  It’s a list of 30 Things To Stop Doing To Yourself, and it was one of those articles that I had to just sit there and stare into space for about 5 minutes after, because it made me want to re-evaluate my life. I needed to seriously think about some stuff…

All the points made are brilliant, but the main one that stood out for me was number 27 – stop trying to be everything to everyone.

It hit so close to home for me, because for the past few years, every time I meet someone new, I will literally go out of my way to make sure that they’re happy or they feel good about themselves. For everyone, if they needed cheering up, I’d send them stupid pictures of kittens and puppies to make them feel better. If they needed to cry at midnight, I’d let them call me and scream and rant and cry down the phone. If they had a problem with another friend, I’d tell them to scream everything out at me, because I would rather they take their anger out on me, than take it out on their friend and potentially ruin an amazing friendship. If they get all their anger out, then they can think logically about what they actually want to say to them. It’s a trick that’s proved very popular, and successful, in the past, honestly!

It wasn’t until recently that someone mentioned to me that I should probably start being more assertive to people, otherwise they’d end up walking all over me. This was around the same time that I realised that the same people rant to me about things, but then disappear the moment I have a crisis of my own, or give me the shittiest advice, followed by a swift: “just call me if you need anything, I’m always here!” before hanging up the phone. Thanks, all my worries have now vanished, thanks to that solid piece of advice of calling you when I need to talk. How about I need to talk to you now, and that’s why I called you in the first place… 

It really made me think about the people that claim to be my friends. There are some people that I won’t speak to for months, but I have some kind of weird connection with them, and they just know when things are getting a bit shitty for me. Farah is the best possible example I can give for this. We’ve been friends for about 14 years now, and she’s still not sick of me (she deserves a damn medal for that, seriously…)! It’s like our minds are slightly connected, and we manage to message each other at the right time, when it’s most needed. Aw, we’re so cute, aw!

Then there are the friends that I talk to every single day of my life, and they pretty much know me better than I know myself. They know who they are, so I won’t bother mentioning their names, even though it’s only like three people…

I have my “other” friends, who I love to pieces, trust a fair amount, and enjoy talking to, but I just don’t feel obligated to ask them how their life is going. I’m sorry, but that’s the truth! It’s getting to the point, though, where I’ve had to start cutting people out, purely because they see me as nothing more than an emotional crutch. I wish them all the happiness in the world, and hope they get everything they want, but I honestly do not care about their petty problems anymore.

I’m being assertive. I’m taking control. I’m telling people that they can’t just use me for when they need a damn ego boost! I don’t want people talking to me just for shits and giggles, to be there just so they can pass some time before talking to other, more important people. If you’re bored, and you want someone to talk to, then message your damn mother, don’t use me just so you can talk about yourself when I ask the inevitable: “so, how have you been?”

I’m putting my effort into helping the people that matter the most to me, and who have proved to me that I also matter to them. It’s going really, really well, actually! I don’t need everyone to like me; I already know that the best people in the world love me, and that’s more than enough for me.

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