Battle of the Wingman

The best friends will wingman for their best friends. That’s a fact that one of my friends Tas knows all too well, only because I’m currently competing to be his “official wingman” against our other friend David.

The competition itself is pretty simple: whoever gets Tas a date first, wins! The only rules are she must be between the ages of 18 and 22, must “be considered above a 6”, and can’t be found on a dating site.

Now, let me tell you a little bit about Tas. The easiest way to explain this is by simply telling you that he is the real life version of Ted Mosby, from How I Met Your Mother. Except, he really, really, really wants to be Barney Stinson, to the point where he’s started building a collection of suits just to try and convince me he’s more of a Barney. Just watch any episode of the show, and almost every aspect about Ted matches Tas, from the dorky comments about stuff no one cares about, to the overwhelming need to get married and have kids.

Honestly, I want to be able to pull the classic “haaaaave you met Tas?” line from HIMYM, but he just won’t let me! Which is why I’m writing this post. Ladies, please, if you want a date, live in the East London area, and like dorky IT technicians, then please contact me, and help me win this damn competition!

My reward? Just knowing that I am a better wingman than David is a brilliant reward! For David, just knowing that he has some kind of control over Tas’ life is his reward. (Also, the fact that Tas has never been friend-zoned means that there’s pretty much a 100% pass rate for his wingman.)

It’s good to know that my best friend actually wants this; some people just want to continue being absolute childish pricks to anyone outside of their immediate friend circle. Almost everyone else I know has no idea what they even want to be doing in the future, never mind whether or not they want to get married and have kids! For me, I haven’t got a damn clue about whether I want to get married. Honestly, I can’t see myself dealing with marriage very well… Just the thought of having to spend every day with one person is enough to reduce me to a blind panic. How the hell is it even possible to like someone enough to willingly spend every day with them for longer than a month?! How do you keep a conversation going for a lifetime? Is that even possible? What happens when you eventually run out of stuff to talk about? What happens if you and that person change and drift apart after 20 years? That’s almost inevitable, people change all the time! And what happens if your kids grow up to be complete twats, regardless of how well you raise them?! What happens if the person you marry ends up cheating on you? How do you deal with deciding who does what chores around the house? Is resolving arguments with a game of thumb war sophisticated enough to be used in a marriage?

With all these questions about marriage and love swimming around in my own mind, it’s actually shockingly calming to know that someone close to me has it kind of figured out already. I mean, if Tas can know what he wants, then what the bloody hell is stopping me from knowing?

Right now, though, I’m perfectly content knowing that I don’t know what I’m going to do in the future. I’ve stopped focusing on me, and just trying to help the friends that DO know what they want, get there. So here I am, the greatest, and most dedicated wingman in the world.

Where I’m Barney, & Tas is Ted

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